


Great Aunt Who?

by blueartemis07



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-12
Updated: 2010-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-19 14:40:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/201956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueartemis07/pseuds/blueartemis07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>"It's hideous! I really have to <i>display </i>this?"</p>
    </blockquote>





	Great Aunt Who?

**Author's Note:**

> "It's hideous! I really have to _display_ this?"

"It's hideous! I really have to _display_ this?"

"Yes, Mrs. Malfoy, you really have to display that family heirloom in order to get the rest of your inheritance from your Great-Aunt Melissande." Mr. Solesbury, the family attorney managed to sound both patient and put-upon.

"I have no idea how I'm going to explain this to my husband-anyway, I will take it home and find someplace to display that. I really enjoyed the preliminary items I received from her estate, and I will honor this request as well. Many thanks, Mr. Solesbury."

Hermione left the meeting completely disturbed. She had no idea how she was going to explain the monstrosity she was holding to her husband. It was not only bronze, and ugly, but... _Bloody_ _hell_ _,_ _did_ _that_ _figure_ _have_ _an_ _erect_ _penis_ _?_ She Apparated home still trying to think of how to explain it to Lucius.

"Hello, my love, how did it go?"

"I get the rest of her estate as long as I am willing to display this." Hermione held the monstrous artifact up to her husband, having decided, as usual, that her Gryffindor tendencies would be the best in this case.

"Was your great aunt a witch, Hermione?"

"Not that I know of, Lucius, but then, I barely knew her."

"Her name, love?"

"Melissande Von Grange. She refused to Anglicize the name."

"You are a Von Grange?"

"Yes, my Great-Grandfather was Heinrich Von Grange. My Grandfather changed it when they came to England, to Granger. My Father thought about changing it back, but decided to honor his father's decision. Wait, why does this even matter, Lucius? And why did that thing make you ask me that question?"

"This is an original piece of erotic wizarding art. It is one of twelve unique pieces made by Hermann der Spiegel."

"Hermann the Mirror?"

"These pieces of art have a series of complex charms no one has ever been able to unravel. It is said that Hermann sold eleven and gave the twelfth to his mistress, a rather powerful yet temperamental witch named Melissande. She was far younger than he was, but no one knew her surname nor if she had any family. This is such a delight, my love!"

As Lucius reached out to take the now interesting heirloom from Hermione, both their hands touched around the base of it. After they set it down on the mantel, the art began to move, the figures began to change, until they looked quite a bit like Lucius and Hermione. All of a sudden the male figure pulled the female into his arms quite passionately, then pressed her against the wall and fucked her into a rather violent orgasm.

Hermione turned to Lucius rather wide-eyed. "Let me guess; that is what you wanted to do?"

Lucius nodded.

"I think I get the mirror part."

A trunk popped into the room, with a note attached.

 _My_   
_dearest_   
_Hermione_   
_,_

 _I_   
_'_   
_ve_   
_followed_   
_your_   
_life_   
_since_   
_the_   
_first_   
_day_   
_you_   
_appeared_   
_in_   
_the_   
_Daily_   
_Prophet_   
_._   
_I_   
_know_   
_you_   
_were_   
_forced_   
_to_   
_marry_   
_Lucius_   
_Malfoy_   
_due_   
_to_   
_that_   
_silly_   
_law_   
_,_   
_but_   
_it_   
_seems_   
_you_   
_have_   
_made_   
_it_   
_work_   
_,_   
_at_   
_least_   
_quite_   
_a_   
_bit_   
_better_   
_than_   
_some_   
_others_   
_,_   
_but_   
_then_   
_we_   
_Von_   
_Grange_   
_witches_   
_do_   
_have_   
_a_   
_talent_   
_for_   
_coming_   
_out_   
_on_   
_top_   
_._   
_You_   
_can_   
_ask_   
_that_   
_handsome_   
_husband_   
_of_   
_yours_   
_about_   
_that_   
_._   
_Anyway_   
_,_   
_my_   
_dearest_   
_,_   
_it_   
_was_   
_safer_   
_for_   
_you_   
_to_   
_stay_   
_the_   
_dotty_   
_great_   
_-_   
_aunt_   
_and_   
_never_   
_let_   
_on_   
_that_   
_I_   
_was_   
_a_   
_witch_   
_._   
_It_   
_would_   
_have_   
_made_   
_your_   
_youth_   
_even_   
_more_   
_difficult_   
_,_   
_if_   
_you_   
_can_   
_imagine_   
_._   
_All_   
_of_   
_what_   
_was_   
_mine_   
_,_   
_I_   
_now_   
_give_   
_to_   
_you_   
_._   
_And_   
_if_   
_your_   
_husband_   
_looks_   
_like_   
_his_   
_eyeballs_   
_are_   
_about_   
_to_   
_fall_   
_out_   
_of_   
_his_   
_head_   
_,_   
_well_   
_,_   
_yes_   
_,_   
_those_   
_are_   
_the_   
_missing_   
_Malfoy_   
_sapphires_   
_._   
_I_   
_rather_   
_unblushingly_   
_made_   
_myself_   
_a_   
_very_   
_good_   
_life_   
_as_   
_a_   
_courtesan_   
_._   
_But_   
_my_   
_very_   
_first_   
_love_   
_was_   
_Hermann_   
_,_   
_and_   
_that_   
_is_   
_why_   
_you_   
_should_   
_display_   
_the_   
_art_   
_._   
_As_   
_long_   
_as_   
_you_   
_two_   
_are_   
_happy_   
_,_   
_the_   
_figures_   
_will_   
_appear_   
_as_   
_yourselves_   
_._

 _Much_   
_love_   
_,_

 _Melissande_   
_Von_   
_Grange_

 _P_   
_._   
_S_   
_._   
_Be_   
_proud_   
_of_   
_those_   
_curls_   
_,_   
_love_   
_._   
_You_   
_must_   
_be_   
_a_   
_powerful_   
_witch_   
_with_   
_hair_   
_as_   
_bushy_   
_as_   
_yours_   
_._

"She was THE Melissande. It does explain a lot, doesn't it?"

"Explain what, Lucius?"

"First off, in the last 1200 years, any side with a Von Grange witch on it has never lost a war. The power Harry Potter knew not may very well have been you. Secondly, the hair. It seems one of your ancestors had a thing for curly hair and somehow charmed his bloodline to produce curly hair on the witches. The curlier the hair, the more powerful the witch. Lastly, Melissande was a powerful, exciting courtesan and many wizards did what they could to curry her favor. It appears one of my ancestors managed, at least for a while."

"What does this change, Lucius? According to British law, I'm still a Muggle-born."

"Yes, my love, but it does advance Severus's theory that there is no such thing as a true Muggle-born, and that all of you have some magical ancestry."

"Wonderful. I am pleased to be able to advance his theory. Now, what has that unholy look of glee in your eyes?"

"My child is going to be very powerful! A Von Grange!"

"Lucius, if I didn't know any better, I would swear you were going to do a happy dance."

"Like a Polka?"

"Nevermind."

* * *

Many thanks to Southern_Witch_69 for the beta!

Prompt from La Muse Amusant: 1. The character of your choice is forced to accept a very odd-and very unwanted-family heirloom.

Author's Note: The name Von Grange and the possibility of Hermione coming from a prominent Squib has tickled my fancy ever since I read it in amr's _Snape_ _'_ _s_ _Boon_. It is a great story, and that bit is an homage to one of my favorite author.


End file.
